


𝓬𝓱𝓾𝓾𝓴𝓪𝓲 ↣ the chuukaimmunist manifesto ♡

by hyunjins_bread



Category: LOONA (Korea Band), TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Communism, Communist, Cult, Dictators, F/F, F/M, FBI, Freedom, Het, I am so sorry, Kid Friendly, Soviet, Soviet Union, World Domination, am i going to hell for this, chuukaimmunism, jesus take the wheel, marxist, stalin - Freeform, stan loona, straight - Freeform, stream icy, stream so what, the communist manifesto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:34:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22627180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunjins_bread/pseuds/hyunjins_bread
Summary: kim jiwoo and huening kai never really took notice of each other at school, that is, until they find each other at a socialist rally. or, in which kai and jiwoo become the dictators of their public high school ♡DISCLAIMER: this entire thing is a joke between me and my friend. i don't actually ship them, and kai is underage so we don't stan. either way this fic won't be explicit even though it is complete crack. just rated mature for the swearing. stan txtloona xoxo
Relationships: Chuu/HueningKai, Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	1. humble beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> i am so, so sorry

it was a normal day for jiwoo as she entered the gates to her school. behind one of the buildings was a group of students snorting crack off a severed limb. jiwoo couldn't identify what kind of limb it was from where she was standing.

someone needs to put these kids in line, she thought as she watched one teenager charge at another with a kitchen knife. what are all the teachers doing?

"jiwoo!" her only friend, heejin called out from behind her. heejin was one of the more sane ones at the school, hence why jiwoo took a liking to her.

"oh! hey heejin," she smiled at her friend. "let's get to class before we get impaled!"

"sure thing," heejin rolled her eyes. they started walking towards their lockers. "by the way, do you wanna hang out later tonight?"

jiwoo sighed. "ah, i wish i could, but-"

"don't tell me it's another one of those communist rallies." heejin stopped and glared at her.

"well-"

"oh my god! i really thought you valued our friendship more than this," heejin wiped at her eyes. "you never shut up about communism! it's like it's all you care about!"

"because it is." jiwoo deadpanned.

tears were pouring down heejin's face now. "y-you don't have to be so cold..."

"i see that i'm icy." jiwoo turned away from her now-crying ex-friend.

from the corner of the room, a boy was watching their exchange with inspiration. "go rising up up...i see that i'm icy... i will find this communist girl and i will marry her." he vowed to himself as he watched jiwoo walk away with sass.


	2. a communist meeting?

jiwoo walked out of school proudly, her hammer and sickle badge on her blazer gleaming prominently in the sunlight. it was time she made her way to the event of the month - the local socialist gathering.

as she approached the crowd, she noticed a boy about her age standing on the edge. i wonder who he is? she thought, approaching him.

"hi! im jiwoo who are you?" she asked the boy.

"oh my names kai," he looked a bit embarrassed. "i think we go to school together?"

"oh yeah, thats right," said jiwwo, her memory coming back a bit. "have you ever been to one of these before?" she gestured to the crowd. "im a regular."

"no i havent, its my first time, but im really interested in communist ideals and what they have to say," kai replied eagerly.

jiwoo beamed. "thats just what i like to hear! would you care for some leninade?" she picked up two plastic cups from the refreshments table. "its soviet themed raspberry lemonade."

"of course, it sounds delicious," kai replied. "so...what do you think of our school?"

"its an absolute wasteland. disgusting. we need a workers riot," jiwoo said seriously. "the teachers dont know what theyre doing, we need a strong leader to put those kids straight."

kai nodded. "i agree, everyone there is a filthy capitalist. except you and i, of course."

jiwoo smiled at him. maybe this was one man that deserved rights. "i know right! we should totally overthrow the school together."

"yes lets do it,"


	3. tyranny

"hmm, so where should we start?" jiwoo asked kai. they sat together at lunch now since heejin had abandoned jiwoo and now hung out with a girl called hyunjin who wore a fursuit to school. inch resting.

"well, we can start by getting the teachers out of the way," kai pointed out. "so then theres a power vacuum and we can swoop in and take our place as dictators."

"yes, of course," jiwoo mused. "but how do we get rid of them all?"

"a diversion? and then we can finish them all off."

"valid."

suddenly a scream came from outside. a student had collapsed after streaming so what for 33 hours straight. just the diversion they needed.

all the teachers rushed outside to check on the student while the remaining ones tried to calm down the students still indoors, which was hard as someone had set fire to the bathroom.

a kid called soobin jumped on top of a table and yelled "LETS GET THIS BREAD!!!" and then everyone started fighting.

jiwoo and kai quickly slipped away into the hall where they took out their master plan, before returning to the chaos with flamethrowers.

"IN THIS SOCIETY EVERYONE WILL BE EQUAL. EVEN THE TEACHERS. YOU ARE ALL BENEATH US NOW, YOUR NEW RULERS."

the crowd seemed to take this pretty well considering they were being threatened with their lives.

jiwoo kicked over a table in a display of strength.

"epic" said someone in the crowd and they all willingly lay down before chuukai, even the adults.

"well that was easier than i thought," jiwoo shrugged, and kai uwued at her.

for the rest of the day the school was under their command, and they didnt even have to murder anyone.

and the girl who died of streaming so what made a healthy recovery from death thanks to the power of friendship and loona.


	4. fbi open up

everything seemed to be going fine for jiwoo and kai, the school was under their control and in complete lockdown, no one had died, and everyone was still submitting to them and their flamethrowers.

until suddenly, during a night patrol, they were met with some policewomen wearing sunglasses and helicopters descending on the building.

the policewoman looked at them in surprise. "are you kids okay? who did this to the school?"

"oh that was us, actually," jiwoo said.

"jiwoo what the fuck you werent supposed to tell them that," kai whispered to her urgently.

"no, i dont want some other bastard taking all the credit for the work we did around here," she rolled her eyes.

kai nodded, seeing her point.

the policewoman looked shocked and disbelieving. "why??? what did you do??? the building is on fire and people are trapped in here, weve been told youre holding them for ransom."

"uh, no," jiwoo rolled her eyes. "just some disciplinary measures, you know. getting them under our control."

"thats illegal."

"no."

kai pulled out his flamethrower threateningly and the policewoman pulled out a rifle. "say your last words kids."

"oh, whatever," jiwoo pulled out her flamethrower too and shoved it in the po po's direction. the policewoman collapsed, her uniform on fire. "sucks to be her i guess but no cops at pride."

"come on," kai said to her in awe, and they took out their emergency escape measure, climbing throught the roof of the school and legging it as soon as they saw the helicopters. they both knew the people under their control would stay loyal to them, no matter where they went.


	5. taking over the city

"now we take even more extreme measures, i think," kai said wisely. they were in the process of breaking into a news station currently on air.

"yes, of course," jiwoo agreed. "the school was just a start, soon we'll have the whole world under our control."

they smashed the window open and brandished their flamethrowers. the filming team immediately took off their headphones and ran away, their hands on their heads. the newscasters took a bit longer to leave, but when threatened they eventually ran, too.

the two of them now stood in front of the cameras, on live tv. "WE ARE YOUR NEW LEADERS. KNEEL BEFORE US. WE WILL MAKE SOCIETY FAIRER AND MORE EQUAL FOR EVERYONE. IF YOU STAND AGAINST US, YOU WILL REGRET IT."

jiwoo looked proudly at kai. he had come so far.

"YES, THATS RIGHT. WE EVEN HAVE FLAMETHROWERS, SEE? SO OBEY US."

they then shut off the tv station and the entire building became pitch black. kai cleared his throat. "jiwoo ive been meaning to ask you..."

"yeah?"

"well, will you marry me? i know this is sudden but weve been through so much together and i really feel like taking over the world together has given us such a close bond." kai 🥺ed.

"omg of course! as long as our wedding is soviet themed," jiwoo winked but kai couldnt see it in the dark. "but yeah, lets get married! like right now."

"right now?? okay sounds good!"

"just remember that stalin is my dad though."


	6. a very soviet wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's some fanart for this book!! https://www.instagram.com/p/B8Q7tkFFmXZ/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

finally jiwoo and kai could be happily married together. instead of reading out the bible, their pastor, the furry girl hyunjin, read out passages from the communist manifesto.

they got married back at the convention centre where it all started, where the first communist gathering had been held where they met. their first dance was to the soviet national anthem and their second was to icy by itzy, a true bop.

the wedding was going so well, everyone in the entire world had attended as they were all chuukais subjects now and they all loved them and were invited. both kai and jiwoo were crying with how much they loved eachother and communism.

but then, everything went wrong- the fbi crashed the wedding!!!

"you again," jiwoo narrowed her eyes at the same policewoman who had cornered them in the school before, but this time her clothes were a tad singed. "and on my wedding day, too! ugh, no respect. maybe if you streamed psycho."

"jiwoo," kai said worriedly. "you realise we left our flamethrowers at home today, right?"

jiwoos eyes widened with shock. she grimaced. "i guess well have to fistfight them then!"

"but we have guns," the policewoman grinned.

jiwoo and kai exchanged worried looks. there didnt seem to be a way to get out of this one.

"kai....i love you," jiwoo admitted.

"i love you too," kai replied sadly, and they held hands, leaving space in between for stalin's spirit of course.

then the policewoman did something unexpected. she started laughing uncontrollably, and then pulled off her sunglasses to reveal...HEEJIN?????????

"heejin??!!!" jiwoo cried out. "what the actual fuck???!!"

"im sorry jiwoo," heejin shook her head. she aimed her gun at the pair of them. "but it had to be done. you ignored me for years and years, instead choosing to focus on the communist lifestyle. even though i was in love with you the whole time, you turned to this man instead," she glared at kai. "but its okay, ive found someone new," she smiled at hyunjin who was still holding the book behind the altar.

"dont drag me into this," hyunjin dropped the book and fell away. jiwoo sniffed.

"ugh. defamation. thats a holy object you just dropped on the floor like dirt."

heejin rolled her eyes. "okay, enough. say your last words."

"i cant believe youd go from me to a furry, wow your standards really dropped, huh."

heejin dropped her gun. "dont insult her like that!! shes trying her best okay."

jiwoo side eyed her. "well if you wanna go and be a furry apologist, be my guest." she turned back to kai. "kai i love you so much, thank you for helping my dreams come true 🥺."

"thank you for the same things," kai smiled at her. "you really mean a lot to me and made me see how-"

then the two of them were shot down by heejin and the rest of the fbi, but it was lawful killing because to be fair they were a danger to society. but they died holding hands and in love.

then the crowd rose up. their beloved dictators had been shot down, and they would not stand for it. "LETS GET THIS BREAD!!!" soobin yelled again, and he lead the crowd in storming the fbi. it was a massacre. many were killed, but at the end of the devastation, one woman rose up.

it was yuna.  
"i see that im icy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: thabk you do much for reading omg!!! who says communism cant be sexy and fun, am i rivht. stream so what and stan txtloona for clear skin 😔👌


End file.
